


Rebel Zuko

by Firelord_Eva



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Anger as a Defense Mechanism, Crazy Azula (Avatar), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Mental Breakdown, Multi, On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Partially Blind Zuko (Avatar), Partially Deaf Zuko (Avatar), Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Zuko (Avatar) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Zuko's Scar (Avatar)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firelord_Eva/pseuds/Firelord_Eva
Summary: Over the course of Zuko's first year in banishment, he manages to slowly come to terms with what his father did to him and that it wasn't okay. With Iroh's help of course.(Posted 11/26/2020)
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Zuko & Zuko's Crew (Avatar)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So... I'm really fucking sorry, I really did mean to get this up at like, idk, noon or something today. I know it's technically going up on Friday the 27th, but plz forgive me. Today being Thanksgiving a n d my 16th birthday means that I was forced to interact with my family instead of hiding away on my laptop to post this. I hope you enjoy it anyways, and I'd like to give a big thanks to my beta Freebird. Please read all the tags I left, they're only for this chapter so don't assume that they might be for later parts of the fic.

Zuko doesn’t want to move, the searing pain in his face and throat makes that much obvious, but his head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton, and his lungs rattle. Every breath he takes is painful, but he hears Uncle singing in the background. He had heard that song only once before at Lu Ten’s funeral. He spends a few more minutes in silence without moving before he finally tries to speak. Apparently, Uncle noticed, even if no sound came out. Next thing he knew Iroh was standing over him brushing his hair out of his face. 

“Do you remember what happened Prince Zuko?” He asked softly. Zuko can’t remember much of anything actually. All he remembers is turning around and seeing his father instead of the general. He shakes his head lightly after another try at talking ended up failing. 

“Your father was the one that was to fight you in the Agni Kai. You weren’t expecting it and tried to forfeit.” Iroh said, his tone growing gradually colder. “Your father told you to stand and fight, and when you refused, telling him you were his loyal son, he burned your face. When you were screaming you did permanent damage to your vocal cords, but you’re expected to be able to talk again eventually. We aren’t sure what’s going to happen with your ear and eye.” He said sadly. 

As soon as Iroh saw Zuko looking around in confusion he answered the unasked question. “You were banished.  _ Ozai _ said that you showed  _ 'shameful weakness'  _ when you refused to fight him. You aren't allowed to return unless you have the avatar in chains" The story that began filled with disdain ended with sorrow. 

Zuko knew he would find the Avatar, he had to prove that he was worth something to his father. He had to earn his love again, no matter what it took. Uncle seemed to know what he was thinking and just pulled him into a strong hug.

All of Zuko's plans went out the window for that moment, his entire body hurt, his father had sent him away on a  _ near- _ impossible quest (he refused to believe father would send him on an impossible one), and he was hurting. Everyone that openly cared about him was gone other than Uncle, so he let himself break in his arms.

Iroh stayed with Zuko for the rest of the night, holding him together as he broke and rocking him to sleep when he couldn't cry anymore. He knew that this would be a long road, but he hoped he could get through to his nephew before he hurt himself trying to get the avatar.  


~~~

It's been roughly three months on the ship. Zuko's been seen by the crew less than once a day since he got there. He knew he was supposed to be in charge of the ship, but he had just gotten his voice back and was overly self-conscious about how rough it sounded. Apparently, that was the kind of permanent damage they were talking about. That, and the fact that it might hurt him to change the pitch of his voice for the rest of his life, and  _ if _ his voice ever drops again it will hurt like hell. 

He hadn't spoken to a single one of his crewmates, and he hated the pitying looks they sent him. But that was going to change today. He was going to go out and run the ship himself, not through his uncle. His first attempt at this was a disaster. 

"Lieutenant Jee, do you have a report?" He asked in what he assumed was a perfectly reasonable and respectful voice, but based on the flinch he gave him apparently it wasn't. 

Jee of course gave the report, but not without glaring at Zuko the whole time. He barely heard it at all, which was probably the reason Jee looked like he had yelled at him, but it might also be because he wasn't paying attention. Father would be angry if he apologized to an officer below his rank, but he had done it accidentally which meant he should apologize anyway.

Before he knew what was going on Jee was storming off, and Zuko didn't have the courage to say anything to him. 

~

That night Zuko went to try and apologize to Jee and explain, having decided that he didn't really care what the crew thought of his disabilities if it meant keeping the peace. Before he got to the crew room where he assumed Jee had gone off to, he heard voices. 

"The prince is a royal brat. The kid hasn't spoken a word to any of us since he got here and he shows up today and starts yelling." Jee exclaimed angrily. 

Zuko was still planning on making his presence known to apologize before he heard the rest of the crew agree. He knew he was a fuck up, but he couldn't even be a decent leader for one day. 

Zuko snuck away silently and made his way back to his quarters. He wrote yet another set of letters to his father and Azula before going to sleep, for once not particularly caring if he woke the crew with screaming that night. 

Only Uncle cared enough to do anything about it, and he wouldn't even let him help. Uncle wasn’t allowed to care for him more than his father did. He wasn’t allowed to love him so openly and freely while his own father disfigured him and sent him away on a near-impossible mission ( _impossible mission_ his brain unhelpfully corrected).

~~~

Zuko has sent a new letter to Azula and Father every week since he woke up. Not once has he gotten one back, but he knows there’s a reason. There  _ has _ to be a reason for them not responding, because if there wasn’t one, that meant that they just didn’t want him. 

Before Zuko can spiral further there he notices the time. Zuko would be expected to be in the captain’s office shortly to go over that week’s mail correspondence and work on the budget of the ship. He may be incapable of allowing himself to be nice to his crew, but he wasn’t going to let them go under due to his negligence. Uncle would be there to help too when he inevitably ends up distracted or confused. 

When he gets to the office, there, sitting on the top of his desk with a perfect red bow and golden seal, is a letter. There are only three people who that letter could have come from, and one of them has been missing for almost three years. Zuko briefly considers going through the other letters on his desk before that one, but his curiosity gets the better of it and he picks it up quickly. 

_ Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation _

_ Banished 4 months 8 days _

_ Former Crowned Prince _

_ Hello Zuzu. This is the first and last letter I will be writing to you, and I would appreciate it if you would stop annoying me with yours. Both Father and I received your last letters and he wished for me to inform you that even with the Avatar in chains, you will not be welcomed back into the family unless you have gotten over your ailments with your eye and ear. He wishes to inform you that you will take a test upon your return, and if you fail you will be sent to the front lines in the hopes that you will be able to prove your worth there or die for your country trying as dear old Lu Ten did. As you can probably tell by the titles at the top of this letter, your birthright has been revoked marked by the fourth month of your banishment. You will only receive it back if you can prove yourself worthy upon your return.  _

_ Princess Azula _

_ Crowned Princess of the Fire Nation _

_ Heir to Agni’s Throne _

  
  


Zuko read the letter at least 10 times before he was able to put it down and move on to the rest of his correspondence. He had hoped that by sending the letter in the first place would get father to take pity on him and accept him back home until he could learn to compensate for his bad side. He never thought that it would lead to him having another task piled upon the nearly impossible quest he was given. He knew he had a long way to go beings that he wasn’t even able to produce more than a candle’s worth of flame without having a panic attack, and he was overly slow on his left side when it came to his swords. 

~

Zuko went into town that night to try and distract himself from the letter Azula had sent him. He hoped that there had been an actual reason for the lack of letters, but while his father might still have one, Azula outright admitted that she was just annoyed with them and didn’t want to get any more from him. 

Zuko was almost completely lost in his head before he saw  _ them _ . The two men were walking hand in hand, obviously, a couple and Zuko hated what he felt at the sight of them. He refused to recognize the jealousy in his chest as anything other than disgust. There was no way that he  _ Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation _ was  _ jealous _ of a couple of gay peasants. It was disgusting and wrong, and that was what he felt, no matter what his traitorous mind tried to tell him. 

  
Before storming back to the ship, he scowled at the couple making sure that they could see him. He _hated_ how _hurt_ they looked at his actions, but he shoved his feelings deep inside him as he always did and ignored them.

~~~

It’s been another two months and the official letter marking his 6th month at sea had been burned as quickly as the others would. Zuko can’t wait for the one year mark when he stops getting them monthly, just like he couldn’t wait for the one month mark when he got them weekly. He’s finally grown stable enough with his own fire to begin firebending training again, and he finally convinces Uncle to start his lessons. 

The first lesson was really rough, he still flinched at any fire that got too close to his head, but he was able to make it through most of his katas without startling too badly. He felt bad about it, but he requested the crew to stay off the deck until training was over. He didn’t think he could handle the pitying looks, or worse yet, the humorous ones. 

Zuko slipped away from the deck allowing his uncle to tell the crew that they were allowed on deck again. He couldn’t bring himself to go to his office where he was supposed to be and just managed to curl up in his bed buried under his blankets while he cried. 

~

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but Uncle entered the room and began making tea. Tea always meant that Iroh was upset with him or he had to say something that would upset Zuko, so he braced himself before sitting up in bed fully. 

The two sat in a standstill until the tea was finished and in cups, they occupied both of their hands. Uncle was the first to speak up. “Nephew, I’m very proud of you for what you were able to do today, but I must ask you something. Why do you think you flinch at the fire?” He asked calmly.

Zuko answered without hesitation, “Because I am cowardly and weak. Anyone else would be over this by now and I need to be better.” Zuko himself had asked this question hundreds of times, and the answer was always the same. 

“Zuko. I need you to promise me that you’ll listen to me. Really listen, take in my words, and do your best to believe them to be true. Can you do that?” Iroh asked softly as if trying to avoid scaring a young animal. 

Zuko was confused by this, but he agreed to the terms. “Nephew, you are not cowardly or weak. That was something that your father had drilled into your head from a very young age. The fact that you were able to stand up to the general in that meeting is proof enough of your courage, and almost anyone able to stay and accept the punishment as you did in the Agni Kai is very, very strong. What your father did, it was cruel and it was wrong. No child deserves that, let alone from their own father, and there is nothing you could ever do to change that. I love you Zuko, and your father doesn’t, nor will he ever. Please believe me.” Iroh said pleadingly. 

Zuko couldn’t form words. He had been thinking these things for a while now, but to have those thoughts voiced, meant everything to him. He doesn’t think that he didn’t deserve it, but Uncle had never gone against him at a time like this. To have Uncle saying such treasonous things, just for the sake of himself, made him think that maybe one day he could start to believe those things. 

He felt his uncle pull him into a hug and he couldn’t hold on anymore. He was openly sobbing now, and his entire body shook with every word spoken to him. The only time Uncle’s voice went cold was when he was threatening Ozai or getting angry at the other adults that had hurt him. Iroh rocked him for what felt like an eternity, and he eventually cried himself to sleep. 

The last thing he remembers thinking before he was asleep was  _ Ozai isn’t my father, this is what fathers are supposed to be like _ . 


	2. Hiatus Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys. <3

I feel really bad doing this to everyone who reads my fics, but I think this is necessary. I’m going on a hiatus for a minimum of two weeks. If you read both Zuko’s Nightmares and Rebel Zuko, don’t bother checking the update on the other one. I’m posting this to both of these fics to make it easier on everyone. To those of you reading this on Rebel Zuko, I am especially sorry to leave you like this after just starting. I want to assure you that I am absolutely  _ not _ abandoning either of these fics. I recognize in myself the first signs of burnout. I start college classes soon, bowling season just picked up, my mental health tanked, and Covid is spreading rapidly in my small town. I’m a person who has severe anxiety and depression, along with many other mental disorders that you can probably piece out from some of my fics, but these things make it very hard to maintain a schedule when I’m stressed. My friend has been pointing out to me for the last couple of weeks that I’m stretching myself too thin, and I need a break. I’m writing this after a pretty bad dissociative episode that left me numb to a lot of emotions and finding it hard to get out of bed. I may or I may not write during this time, but I most definitely will not be posting to either of the fics mentioned above. You might see one or two one-shots posted during my hiatus, but more likely than not, it’s just gonna be some fluff or angst that I used to work through my own emotions. I’m hoping to be back by Christmas, but I could very well be out longer than that. I made a promise to myself that I would try to get better, and part of that is recognizing that I’m going downhill. I might still post to Tumblr, and I’ll update you sometime during the week of Christmas to tell you if I plan on being up and posting again or if I’ll stay off for a little while longer. I’m sure those of you who follow me on Tumblr noticed the sharp decrease in posts and reblogs from me in the last few days, and I won’t make any say about whether I will or won’t be posting on there mainly because I never really put much effort into my Tumblr in the first place outside of updates about my fics. I won’t be updating either of these fics until the next chapter is ready, so see my Tumblr @Firelord-eva for further updates on this. Sorry again guys. <3<3<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions feel free to find my Tumblr and yell at me on there. I'll still be responding to comments on here as well if you wish, the responses will just be slower. Plz don't be upset, I'll be back before you know it. <3<3<3

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed so far! I'm hoping that I'll be able to update once a month or so (🤞). As much as it might shock you, Zuko's Nightmares has very little planning going into it as I just let myself write, but I wanna take my time with this one and put out something that I actually enjoy. Please feel free to leave constructive criticism in the comments (purposefully hateful comments will most likely be removed) and any other thoughts you might have on the fic. If you notice any typos, feel free to mention them to me so I can correct them asap, and please note that the chapter count might change, it's only a rough estimate. <3<3<3 (Find me on Tumblr @Firelord-Eva for Zukka content and updates about my fics.)


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